Alice Discovers EBay
by LittleShortGirlFromOuterSpace
Summary: Alice discovers the wonderful world of EBay. What will happen? And why did she get a llama? I know this is my first fanfictin and all but read it anyway? please!
1. EBay issues

Alice Discovers E-bay

(((Please note that I do not own _Twilight, _nor do I own E-Bay…. Does anyone own E-Bay???? And that I am not the best speller nor do I claim to be)))

"Alice, there are more delivery men at the door for you. Is that a llama?" Emmett hollered from the front door at me. I don't know why, it's not like I can hear him if he whispers or anything. Note the sarcasm. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah sarcasm, is not I, sweet little always hyper Alice. Well, sometimes it is, like when I've been E-Bay for 480 strait hours. Yep, that's right twenty days. No hunting, only E-Bay. You see twenty days ago I got a little E-Bay profile Thingy. So I have been buying stuff non-stop. Mwhahahaha.

" Yes, the llamas finely here!" Now I do not have to go out and hunt, "Hey, Emmett, You want to bring it up here to my room," yes I am going to fest on llama. That's what I have been waiting on.

"Alice, that is a weird request, even for you, but okay," Emmett, poor, poor, stupid Emmett.

"Alice, will you stop imagining yourself draining that llama dry, its really disturbing, at lest it is to me," Ha, Ha Edward I didn't even realize I was doing that, Sorry.

"Its okay, Alice, I know how you feel, not, but still," Edward you can stop talking now, I've got me a llama to drain.

"Wait, your going to drink it. I want some!" No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

"Alice, He can't read your mind. That would be me. And quite frankly, your mind is giving me a migraine," Edward started out snickering, but it quickly turned to a whine.

" What did she say, Edward, what did she say?"

"Lets see. 'No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.' I think that about covers it."

"Oh come on, Alice, just a sip? One little bitty, tinny whinny little sip?" This is where I start to growl. I can't believe he is asking me this. I haven't hunted in for_ever_.

"Just give me my llama, and leave. No Sips." I practically growled out the words. I want my llama!

"Gosh, I just anted a taste."

"No."

"Fine, I will get my OWN llama."

"You do that Emmett, just give me mine first."

"Okay."

THE NEXT DAY

That was a really good llama. It hit the spot. Yep, Yep, Yeppers!

Oh Bella will look so cute in this dark blue bikini. Oh and look matching swim trunks. Aw I can see them now, literally…

Vision: I had finally had gotten Bella into the bikini. Ha, bribery prevails again. I knew if I told her she would see Edward in swim trunks, she would blush and readily agree. The Bikini had a white, Hawaiian-like flower on the top-right, and a white vine that went around the waist. The swim trunks had white vines on the sides, on the seams, and the white flower was on the bottom of the left leg. We were all in the stream by Edward and Bella's Meadow; the sun was out so we were all sparkling.

"Yes!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, which caused every one to come running to Jasper and my bedroom. Hmm, Bella is here, when did this happen.

"Alice Bella has been here all day, she spent the night. Now what did you see?" I immediately pictured Jasper and I in compromising situations.

"Ah my brain."

"That's what you get," now he is just glaring at me. Serves him right.

"So what was this vision of now," Edward said, getting agitated with me now.

"Oh nothing, you'll see in 3 to 5 business days."

"But Alice, we want to know now!!!" Emmett you whine too much.

"Your right Alice, Emmett does whine too much." Ha, ha go us Edward!

"Do not!"

"Do too," ha even Bella agrees.

"Do not!"

"Do too," and Rose.

"Do not!"

" Do too," Don't forget Jasper.

"Do Not!"

"What don't you do, sweetie?" Mom is here; hmm I didn't realize she left.

"I don't wine, do I Mom?"

"I am going stick with 'yes' here, Honey," Ha even Mom agrees with us.

"But, but, but I don't wine." There he goes again.

"Yes you do, Emmett, face it," I start it up again; I am so evil.

"No I don't"

"Yes you do," Edward falls in line.

"NO I DON'T," that was a bit loud.

"What's with all the shouting about?" ah our father has decided to come back from the hospital just in time.

"Emmett claims that he does not wine, but the rest of us say he does," Bella's turn to speak.

"I don't"

"Yes you do Emmett," even Dad agrees, "and Edward you might want to drive Bella home, It's getting kind of late, and she needs to eat dinner."

"Okay Dad," Edward replied while picking up Bella and racing out to the car, we could hear him ask her what she wanted to eat, but Bella being Bella said she was fine, but her stomach gave her away. It was so cute that I just had to giggle.

"Okay now that that's over, I don't wine."

"Emmett, love, face the facts, you wine like a two year old that didn't get the toy he wants," Rose, Rose, Rose what a subtle way to be mean. I giggled again.

"Fine, you win," at this point he was pouting so Rose kissed him on the cheek and walked into their bedroom, swaying her hips at Emmett the entire way. Emmett, being the vampire he is, could only watch her until she got into their room, then he sped off after her. I just hope that I don't get any visions about what they are going to do tonight

THREE BUISNESS DAYS LATTER

Yes, yes, yes the day is finally here. I had ordered Rose and Emmett matching red swim suits but no vines and flowers instead hearts and stripes, Jasper and I matching green ones kind of camofladge, and Mom and Dad's were black, plain black, and Mom had a more modest swim suit. We also all has towels to match, Isn't E-Bay just wonderful!!!!

Emmett and Edward have been bugging me for the better part of the past three days about what I had planned.

Oh look the thing are here. I have to get them before someone else. They can't see them till Bella gets here, Which is in Five, Four, Three, Two, One, now enters the human into a house of vampires Mwhahahaha.

"Alice, stop laughing like a maniac in your head, it's annoying," ah Edward how nice it is to see you again.

"Okay, now what is this big secrete plan you have for us all?"

Go to your room and you will find out, oh dearest brother of mine. He just gave me a funny look and carried Bella up stairs.

Now to pass out the items, good thing I got them to put the colors in different boxes, and label the boxes by color.

Now that that's done and everyone is changing, I need to change.

ABOUT FIVE MINUTES LATTER

"So now that everyone is dressed, who wants to go swimming in the sun?" They all just gave me confused faces that basically said 'how do you plan on us doing that?' "You know Edward and Bella's meadow has a stream right next to it and the sun will be out in about 3 minutes, right? Well you do now."

"Last one there is a rotten egg," who else but Emmett would still say childish things like that.

"Hey, not all of us are vampires you know!" Ah the only human in the group.

"No, but that wont be forever," I gave her a look that screamed 'your are going to be one, trust me,' but her returning look was one of disbelieve while Edward, the stubborn old goat just growled. Now he is looking at me funny while we are running through the trees.

"Did you just call me a 'stubborn old goat'?" Ha, Ha.

"Maybe, you'll never know."

"Edward, you maybe a 'stubborn old goat' but you are my 'stubborn old goat,'" Bella said from her position on Edward's back, she then proceeded to kiss his neck. Another moment I had to giggle at, It was just too sweet not to.

Just then they remembers that I was there too, and oh boy did Bella blush big time. With more giggling on my part, I skipped off to stream, where the rest of the family was waiting.

Once they finally got there, Edward was grinning like a made man, and Bella just looked like she wanted to die, which she does. At this thought Edward growls, but I have to ask, "Edward what's with the I'm-a-maniac-on-the-loose grin you have on your face, dearest brother of mine?"

"Well," says he, "I was thinking, after you skipped off with out us, that once we get here, Bella will have to take off that shirt of mine that oh-so-conveniently covers up that bikini you forced her into, and when I told her this, she blushed a beautiful shade of burgundy, dearest, loving sister of mine."

At this point in time we where all on the floor laughing it up; she blushed even darker. I figured I would save my sister, or at lest that's how I thought of her as, further embarrassment, so I screamed, "Lets swim!" And let face it, it worked, and I got a grateful look shot my way from Bella, as we all ran into the water.

To us it felt unbelievably warm, and by now the sun had come back, I only realized this because of Bella's soft gasp at seeing us ALL sparkly. I was a bit worried the water would not be warm enough for our already warm companion.

"Hey, Bella why don't you join us?" of course Emmett did not give it a second thought. He just wanted to play with his little sister. But if Edward doesn't her to be older than Emmett then he better get to cracking on changing her, ah met with another growl. Well then Eddy boy I wouldn't think of things like that IF YOU WHOULD JUST CHANGE HER! Once he growls at me, but I pay him no never mind.

And so the rest of the day was spent at the spring luckily I had thought ahead of time and asked Charlie if she could spend the night. Maybe I can play "Human Barbie" with her tonight! Mwhahahaha!

(((So do you like? My first so... yeah most authors would say "be nice" hear but i wont 'cause i wont learn nothing if you are too nice)))


	2. Alice is crazzy! head for the hills!

Alice is truly crazy

(((I do not own the name brands I use in this, if I did you could tell because there would be a law stating that reading _Twilight_ and _New Moon _are required reading for every one age ten and up)))

"Alice, you don't have to. Really I can just go down to the department store and pick one up, there is no need to buy one online, I will have another one in three to five days anyway, Alice," Emmett dropped Bella's tooth brush down the toile, and then flushed it, I was buying her one on dun, dun, dun E-BAY! And judging but the sounds said toilet is making, it does not want to let go of the toothbrush Emmett is trying to get out of it. I highly doubt that it will ever work again. I think I should buy a new one of those too

"Shush up. I am getting you a tooth brush wither you like it or not. Nobody can stop me!" I have not got crazy. No I have not, everyone thinks I have. I don't know why. I am perfectly sane. Mwhahahaha. See sane, evil laughter inside one's head is perfectly sane. DO NOT DOUBT ME!!

"Alice, why are you laughing? Nothing happed that is funny," shoot maybe I am not as sane as I thought, after all I was sent to an asylum when I was still human. Oh well, they can't send me back unless they want to expose vampires.

"Uh… go… play in the woods." There that will get ride of her! I need time to buy stuff, like toothbrushes and toilets!

"Alice, you need help. I am going to Edward's room."

Okay so maybe she did not go where I said. SHE STILL LEFT. Now no one will question my motives. Hmm, I wonder if Emmett got that llama he wanted. Oh well. I will get him one any way. Oh look a mountain lion. I'm sure if I get Edward this, he will forgive me about the whole telling Bella to play in the woods while he is hunting thing. Yes, I am sure he will, he doesn't think I am in my right mind either.

Oh look plants. Esme likes pants. I think I will get her some. I want to get her some with meaning. Hmm. How about anemone for Bella. After all she is the most fragile of her children, being human and all. Oh and yellow carnations for me, I am the most hyper of the bunch. Oh and aster for Jazzy. He can make anyone content. He just has that effect on people. Hmm. Now Edward's turn for a flower, her first child. Oh a sunflower, that is a wonderful flower to remind her of him, she always adores him a bit more. She cannot help it; he is her first child of her new life. Buttercups are perfect for Emmett. He is, after all the most childish. Calla lilies are for Rosalie. I would do roses but that is not original, and calla lilies mean magnificent beauty. And that is Rosalie in a nutshell. Now Carlisle's turn, lilac sounds good. He is, after all her first love. Okay, now that I have my flowers picked out for the family, I need one for her. I've got it. Black-eyed Susan is good. As our mother figure, Esme encourages us all. Okay now I have just got to buy them. E-BAY TIME! ESME WILL LOVE HER PLANTS!!!

Let's see, hmm. Oh, look I can get them rushed!!!!!! The will be here tomorrow!!! Perfect, that is when Esme is getting back from hunting, SHE CAN LOVE THEM SOONER! I can buy her some new gloves too. They can be pink, with little flowers, AND IT CAN SPARKLE. And a new little gardening kit, of course it is not really little. It is actually quite large. But still, that is just what you call it. And now to press the little buy button, this time it's actually little!!!! Mwhahahaha!

I can get something for Carlisle, now! Oh look stethoscopes. A sold gold one!!! I have to get it; it's gold!!!! And one that has diamonds embedded in it. I bet that would look like vampire skin in the sunlight. I don't think I will have these rushed; they are much too fragile. But I will send them to the hospital, that way Carlisle can try them out as soon as he gets them!!!! HE WILL LOVE IT OR HE WILL DIE!!! Mwhahahaha!

"Alice, you need to slow down on the whole E-Bay mania thing. We don't have enough room for all of this useless junk. I, I mean stuff, wonderful, brilliant stuff. Not useless in the least. But we really don't have adequate room for all of your magnificent finds," Glares can change the world! Hmm, we don't, do we? I can buy a storage unit!!! I think that Bella's toothbrush is arriving today, so should the toilet! I would go check it out myself, if I didn't have a loving husband to do it for me, Mwhahahaha.

"Oh Jazzy, will you be a dear and go see if Bella's toothbrush has arrived yet? The toilet, too! It should be arriving today," that will leave me alone with my precious, dear computer, with the wonderful Internet, that has my beloved E-Bay on it. No I do not love E-Bay more than Jasper, it is a different type of love. Besides, you can buy stuff using Jasper. But you can on E-Bay. So there is no contest.

"Alice, the humans are starting to get suspicious about the amount of stuff being delivered here. And Esme will not be pleased at all about the whole living room being covered in boxes. I can't move any into the basement either; I already filled that up. So why don't you take a break from the whole shopping thing, and go hunter with me. Then after words I can take you to the movies, any movie you want, and we can do what normal couples do. What do you say?" What do I say to what? I was not paying attention. Sorry Jazzy.

"Uh… sure. Whatever you say, Jazzy, whatever you say," okay maybe he will leave now. Wait, why isn't he leaving? WHAT IN SAM'S HILL DID I AGREE TOO???

"Alice, you need to get ready if we are going to go hunt," WHAT that's what I agreed to. Now I have to leave my E-Bay. Fine, if it will make Jazzy happy, I will. I will do anything for Jazzy. He is my one true love, and I better be his!!! Mwhahahaha! "Alice, if you are laughing in your head, you should stop. I am getting some 'Evil' emotions from you."

"Oh, yeah. Okay, Jazzy I'll stop, and I will be right out. Love you!" Okay now time to go hunting with Jazzy. And not shop on E-Bay. I cannot think about shopping or E-Bay when I am out with Jasper today. I can't cause I wont, end of story. But if I could just order one more thing before we go. That's it just one more and I wont think about it all day. No I can't. If I give in now, I'll give in later. I have to be strong. My marriage is counting on it. I can do this; I know I can do this. I have to do this; I have to no ifs ands or buts about it I have to do it.

FOR THE LOVE OF JASPER I HAVE TO DO THIS!!!!!

(((Can she do it? Well you will have to find out next time. Why? 'Cause I said so.)))


	3. The first step to recovery

Alice needs help!

(((I don't want to get sued! So I guess I have to say it I-I-I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT there I said it and I am not ashamed!!!)))(((I just noticed that in New Moon, in Volterra, Edward is not wearing a shirt the whole time.)))

Okay, can't think about E-Bay, or shopping, or anything else that is not Jasper! I have to think about Jasper, and only Jasper!!

I can do this. I can do this. Oh, who am I kidding I can't do this! I really need to get some help!

"Jazzy-Bazzy?" Did he just wince? No, he couldn't have. I must be seeing things. Why would he wince? I mean it's not like I said something, did I?

"Yes, Alice-Walice?" okay I think I winced… walice… shudder. I think I should left out the 'Bazzy' part. Then maybe he wouldn't have said… what he said.

"I think I am addicted to E-Bay. Do you think I need help for that?" surly I am the only one who thinks that. No one else has notice yet, Right? Surely they would have said something to me… maybe they did and I just didn't listen to them because I was one E-Bay.

"The truth?"

"No, I want you to lie to me. Of course the truth Jazzy, I wouldn't have asked if I wanted something else!"

"Okay, sorry Ally, if you want the truth then… yes. We never have anytime together anymore. You are always on the computer, and telling me to go see if something has arrived yet. Didn't you notice the maze we had to go through to get out the door? Or the loud cheer for our family at you being of the computer? Alice, you and I are not the only ones who think that you need help."

"Jazz, what are we going to do? There is no E-bayist Anonymous!" What will I do!!! I can't go to any special class for this!

"What do you mean 'we' it is your problem not ours," I just gawk at him disbelievingly; I mean really, did he just actually say that? He is supposed to support me no matter what! Does this mean he-he-he wants a-a-a DIVORSE! "Alice what I mean is that this is something that only you can fix, I can give you support and that's it, well maybe make up about five-or-so steps to help you get over you addition," oh, so that's what he meant, I get it now! I can just forget the whole thinking-he-wants-a-divorce thing then!

"Oh, okay. So what do I do, then? I need to get better before I shred our family into little families!!!" Okay so maybe I am a bit of an over-dramatic, but still!!! It could happen, and I would be the cause! I could never forgive myself if that happened!

"Calm down, Alice. You might annoy them but I don't think that you are going to rip this family apart; we are too strong for that. But, to answer your question, I think we should get you a little audience with the whole family, including Bella, so you can admit that you have a problem. And so you can apologies to Edward and Bella for trying to send Bella out into the forest just because you wanted her to leave so you could get back to E-Bay," I did what? How could I forget I did something so stupid and dangerous! I hate myself right now, "Alice, hating yourself is not going to help you solve anything, it is not like Bella would ever go into the woods by herself, give the girl some credit," true, very true. She is an extraordinarily smart girl, for a human girl that is.

"But I still told her to go into the woods, by herself, all because I wanted to buy crap that you do not need! I am so stupid!"

"Calm Down, Alice. Bella is safe, you are safe, and everyone else is safe. And Emmett enjoyed a nice llama the other day. You are not stupid," maybe he is right. Wow, how did we get home? I didn't even realize that we were moving! Well I guess there is no time like the present to do… things. Oh my pickle juice… did I really order this much stuff? I CAN'T SEE THE FLOOR!!! How did I not notice that I had to climb over stuff to get out of the house!!!!

"Jasper, could you call a family meeting outside? I don't think we have room in here, thanks to me," he frowned when I blamed myself, but said nothing in reply. He just went around the house, gathering all the family. It kind of looked funny, like Jasper was the mother duck, and the rest of them where the baby ducks. Emmett would make one funny baby duck! Jasper smile when he senses that I am not all depressed and stuff anymore.

"Okay, everyone, Alice has an announcement to make!"

"Uh, I just wanted to say that I am sorry that I got all psycho-E-Bay-maniac on ya'll and filled the living room with useless junk. Edward and Bella I just wanted to say sorry for telling Bella to go into the woods just so I could get back to buying more stuff that we don't need, as vampires. And also I am working to fix this little problem of mine, and I would thank you numerous times if you could help and support me," after that little speech I was attacked… with hugs and many 'of course we will's. Then everyone except Jasper, Bella, Edward, and me left.

"Alice, you know I would never take that as a serious request when you where acting like that right?"

"Yeah, Bella I do. But I can still feel guilty about it."

"And believe you me, she does."

"Alice, it's in the past. No bodily harm was done to anyone. You can let it go now."

"Thanks, Edward. That means a lot to me, especially seeing and your and overprotective boyfriend when it comes to Bella," he really needs to lighten up a bit, she can't hardly go to the bathroom by herself.

"First of all, I am not THAT bad. And secondly, I am over protective of you and Esme, too."

"What about Rose?"

"Her and I cannot get along long enough for me to be over protective over her."

"Ah," that sounds reasonable. I go up to Edward with my arms spread wide. What I want a hug? Can't a girl get a hug from her brother any more?

Before we un-embrace a whisper in his ear, "I love you, Edward," Everyone knows that it is sibling love so yeah, no need to clarify!

"I love you, too, Alice," and he kisses my forehead in a brotherly-love kind of way. Then takes Bella away after her and I hug, which consisted of us embracing in a hug then me picking her up and spinning her around while she laughs.

"So Jasper, is step one complete in our EA class? Or do I need to do something else?"

"Nope, step one is complete."

"So step one was Admittance, wasn't it?"

"You hit the nail on the head with that answer. Now all you have to do is face what havoc it has reeked, and use less and less of E-Bay."

(((So… what are the real steps? Unless you only want like two more chapters you will tell me!!!)))


	4. Yard Sale

(((I was walking down the street, when all of the sudden the rights to twilight fell into my arms. But then I got arrested for 'stealing' it.)))

Jazzy decided that for the next step, I have to have a yard sale of all the stuff we don't need. So we set it up in the front yard and I put up a big sign at the end of the driveway… and all over town… to show people were it is. Now, we are waiting out side for our first costumer. We wont have to wait long, I had a vision that the first one will be here around 10:09, and it's 10:08 now.

Ah, it's Mike Newton. I wonder how he fells about our house. Bella is the only human to see it, until now. I REALLY don't want to help him, I look over to Jazzy, and my eyes are pleading for him to go help him. He just shakes his head no. I huff the skip over to Mike, trying to pretend to be happy to help him.

"Hiya, Mike! What can I help you with today?"

"Uh, Hey Alice," Great, I dazzled him with my 'award winning' smile, "I was just looking for my mom something, her birthday is tomorrow.

"Oh, the I-forgot-about-it-so-I-am-getting-it-at-the-last-minute present? Well I can make it look thought full. What type of tings does your mom like?"

"Uh, I don't know," pathetic really, not knowing what your mom wants for her birthday. Even if we don't celebrate birthdays, all the other gift giving holidays every one in our house knows what to get Esme, even Emmett does when he and rose are fighting.

"Okay, come with me I will get you some nice jewelry, a simply beautiful dress, and shoes, your present to your mom is a night out with your dad, with out kids. If you want I can do her hair and makeup."

"Sounds good."

"Is there anything else that you want?"

"My Grandma's birthday is coming up soon, maybe I can get her something too?"

"Ah, Granny's birthday, I don't suppose you know what she wants. But is she active?"

"Yeah, she is always going on hikes and skiing and junk like that."

"Uhuh, lets see, a one piece swim suit, with skirt attached and a ski boat. Does that sound good to you?"

"Yeah, but how am I going to afford all this?"

"Your mom's present is a total of twenty bucks, and your grand mother's is thirty bucks. Can you afford fifty bucks?"

"Yeah."

Most of the day went like that, guys would stop in looking for gifts, and they wouldn't know what the receiver would want, so I picked it out for them. Around noon, Bella came over.

"Hey Alice!"

"Hi Bella,' I ran up to hug her. And I noticed a car followed her in, "Do you know them?" I question her.

"They were looking for your yard sale. So I showed them."

"Ah, so I should go help them now, shouldn't I."

"Yeah, you should."

"Hello, and welcome to my yard sale. How can I help you?"

"We are new here, and we need furniture, nice but cheep."

"That's all I sell," says I. And I lead them to the furniture section of the yard.

"My these are beautiful, but surely they are out of my lead."

"No, no, these are perfect for you, just try them out. I will tell you the price, if you like it," they sit down bounce and all that jazz.

"Well, how much is it?"

"Thirty bucks for the whole set," he gape at me.

"How old is it? why are you getting rid of such fine stuff at low costs."

"Well, this is about two or three days ago, and I need to get rid of all the stuff I bought that we don't need. Mother kind of likes the way our house looks now, so this goes out here. So do you want it?"

"Yes, yes, but can we see how your house looks?"

"I don't know, you would have to ask Mother or Father about that."

"We understand."

"Hey Honey, how are the sales going?"

"Hello, Mother, they are going good, these people were wondering if they could see inside the house."

"Well, I suppose so. Get your husband to watch for costumers."

"Yes Mother," I say then spin on my heal to skip of to Jazzy, "hey Jazzy, Esme said to watch the yard so we can give people a quick tour of the house, okay, thanks, I love you, bye," I kiss him on his check and skip off.

"Who was that?" The teenage girl of the group asked.

"That would be my husband."

"So he lives here, with you?"

"Yes."

"Lucky."

"I know I am," she was starting to get on my nerves, staring at Jazzy like that, when Edward and Bella come in and plop down on the couch, cuddling, I devise a plane, they will not know any of our names, "aw, how sweet you two are, Brother and Baby Sister," I say, just to get Bella to blush, it works.

"Hello, Little Sister, what are you doing?" Edward questions, while smiling down at Bella's blush.

"Mother and I are giving a tour of the house, brother."

"Ah, I see, Little Sister, and will you be going up to our rooms?"

"I do not know, Brother," _Edward, its kind of fun talking like, and is the girl annoyed at not knowing our names yet?_ He looks at the roof and then down at Bella. I smiled, which he returned.

"I guess I will see you later, Little Sister. Come, Love, lets go upstairs."

"Whatever you say, Honey, whatever you say." Obviously, Bella figured out what we where doing, and went along with it.

"So where should we go first, Mother?"

"Well, Sweetie, I was thinking the kitchen."

"Yes, Mother," the group thinks we are a bit weird, and that is what I was aiming for. Hey I can have fun, can't I?

We enter the kitchen, "Well, uh group, this is the kitchen, and here is the dining room," we walked out of the kitchen and into said room. "Now we are going back to the family room. Do you wish to see the rooms?" they nod, a bit to scared to speak I see, "Very well, follow me, please," am I having too much fun with this? I don't think so!

"This door leads to Big Brother and Big Sister's room," I pause to make sure they are not… doing anything… inappropriate… but they are just making out, so I open the door, "Big Brother, Big Sister, you can stop eating each other's faces now, we have guests," they look up when they hear my voice. That is too sweet to be true.

"Sister, do you mind? We were kind of… busy at the moment."

"Of course, Big Brother, anything you say," we leave to go to Carlisle's study, "here is Father's study, I think he is back from the hospital now," I open the door to reveal a reading Carlisle.

"Good day, Daughter, what can I do for you?"

"Good day, Father, I was just giving these fine people a tour of the house."

"All right, now where is your Mother?"

"She went to run the yard sale."

"All right then, carry on."

"He looks to young to be a doctor," the mom of the groups said.

"Father is very smart," they looked a bit taken back at me snapping at them like that, but I don't like it when people question his intelligence, it's not nice. "This would be my husband and my room," I open the door to find Jazzy sitting on our bed, reading.

"Are you sure that a guy lives here?" the teenage male says, looking around.

"Yes, I do believe I live here."

"Oh, well you must be a push over, then"

"I do whatever will make my love happy, her happiness is the key to my own," there was a chorus of 'aw' coming from my group, as I went up to hug and kiss him.

"Now let's go to brother's room!" We all leave Jazzy and my room, and head up to Edward's room.

"Dearest Brother, I am here to give these fine people a tour of the rooms."

"Come in, Little Sister," Edward called.

"Hey, why don't you call each other by your first names?" The little boy asked.

"We were bored."

"So what are your real names?" The father asked.

"I'm Edward, and this is my girlfriend, Bella," Bella brushed at that.

"I'm Jasper, and this is my fiancée Alice."

"I'm Emmett, and this is my wife Rosalie."

"I'm Carlisle, and my wife is Esme, she is still outside."

"Oh well, I'm Jordan, and this is my wife, Jordan. These are my kids, Jacky and Jack," this is a weird family.

"Nice to meet you," Carlisle said.

"Same to you," eh, Mrs. Jordan said

(((I just felt like messing with someone…)))


	5. Five Days!

(((Still no owny.)))

Now that I Got rid of all the stuff we DON'T need, I have to cut back on the time spent on E-Bay…

I hope it will work, Bella has set up a 5-day plan to kick my habit.

---day one---

Bella said to cut back my 20 hours to 16. I think I can do this… with some help.

"Emmett!"

"Yeah?"

"Will you make sure I don't spend longer then 16 hours on this?"

"Of course!" And he plopped down on my bed for sixteen hours. How he can just sit there for that long, I will never know, "Time to get off, Alice."

"I don't want to."

"Alice, off now don't make me fore you!"

"Grumpy butt."

"It was you Idea to get me to get you off, and now I will do it forcefully," and then he charged me. I wasn't fast enough to get out of his way, so I got stuck in his iron grip. Not the most comfortable poison to say the lest, especially upside down… in a dress.

"Emmett, what are you doing to my wife!" Yes, Jazzy will save me!

"Making her get off E-Bay like she asked me to."

"Oh… well give her to me," what am I a sack of potatoes?

"No, but you bought some the other day," Sweet brother of mine, will you help me down? "No," fine be that way. "I think I will."

"I hate it when ya'll do that. It's not fair," Bella's here!.

"Now, give me my wife, Emmett."

"Fine take her," and he throws me. THROWS!!!!

"Don't throw your sister, Emmett," at lest Esme gets it. Emmett grumbles, and trudges upstairs.

---Day Two---

Bella said that two day I can only have twelve hours.

Who can I count on to get me away?

"Rosalie!"

"What?"

"Will you make sure I get off in twelve hours?"

"Sure," and she saunters back out my door, only to come back in with a stack of magazines.

"What are those for?"

"You don't expect me to just sit here for twelve hours, do you?"

"Eh, that's what Emmett did, only for sixteen."

"I'm not Emmett."

"I know," and she then started reading, and reading and reading, as I did my E-Bay thing

"Time to get off."

"Five more minutes."

"No. Off now."

"Bossy britches," Rose then wrapped her arms around my waist, trapping my arms and carried me down stairs where Jazzy was reading a book, but he looked up when we came in. Rose had rearranged me, so now she was cradling me like a baby.

"Am I going to see someone dragging my wife down stairs every day?"

"Only for three more days," Bella's here, again.

"SO, can I have my wife?" She gave me to him, AND NOW HE WAS HOLDING ME THAT SAME WAY!!!! I am NOT a little baby.

"No, but you did buy a baby bed," what? It was cute, "It had vampire bats on it, and we don't have a baby, Alice," I glanced at Bella, and she blushed, but shook her head no.

---Day Three---

Eight hours, I can do this, but I need more help. But who?

Edward! "Yes," would you be so kind as to get me off in eight hours? "Why not, I'll be right back," he comes back in with his Ipod.

As he listens to music, I do my thing. But eight hours is much to short. "Time to get off, Alice," I don't want to, "To bad," he doesn't wait for my reply, he just puts me in a head lock, and drags me out the door.

"Hey Edward, Alice," Bella's here. And I am still in Edward's grip as he goes over to her. They kiss. THEY KISS WHILE EDWARD IS STILL HOLDING ME IN A HEAD LOCK!!!! How wrong can you get?

"Uh, okay… I think I will just take Alice and go… Bye," Jazzy gets me out of Edward's grip and takes me out side.

---Day Four---

Okay, only four hours today. I don't think I can do this… I could just stay on it all day and…

"Alice, I'm here to make sure you don't go over you time limit," or Esme can pop out of nowhere and take the job. Oh look, she brought a sketchpad with her.

"Thank you Esme," she starts drawing, what I don't know, but that's what she is doing. And I am doing my E-bay thing.

"Alice, honey, it's time to get off."

"I don't want to."

"Did you just back talk me?'

"Yes," she then grabbed my ear and dragged me out of my room. This is why you don't back talk Esme.

"She back talked you?" Jazzy was stunned, I never do that.

"Yes," Jazzy gave me a look, on that says 'why would you do a stupid thing like that?'. My returning look said 'did you just call me stupid?' he just shakes his head and takes me from Esme.

---Day Five---

I cannot get on the computer. I cannot get on the computer. I cannot get on the computer.

"Alice?" Carlisle, what is he doing here?

"Yes?"

"Would you like to go to the hospital with me today? It will keep you away from E-Bay."

"I guess so."

So we went to the hospital. It was not a fun place, especially since ever time I saw a computer, I ran to it, only to be held back be Carlisle. At the end of the day I had enough, and I just wanted my Jazzy.

"Jazzy," I said as soon as we got home, he was by my side in a second.

"How did it go?"

"I didn't get one once."

"Good, Alice."

The rest of the family came out to tell me cognates.

(((END)))


End file.
